What Your Favorite Original Sesame Street Character Says About Your Personality

This is a big week of anniversaries: The Berlin Wall yesterday and the first broadcast of Sesame Street 40 years ago today. While the show has changed over the years, with some Muppets falling from favor and many new characters have been added, it was the original set that was defined with specific attributes. Research has shown that the character you most closely identify with is the key to your personality. Dogs & Jeans shares the results today:



Grover
You are childlike and precious with a wild imagination. You frequently take on more that you can handle but are reluctant to ask for help when everything collapses. Even you fantasy alter-egos are impotent. You try to remain active, but no matter how hard you exercise, your arms stay spindly while your ass remains round.

Herry Monster
You are intimidated by the world but put on a gruff exterior that is all for show. Your favorite thing to do is sit and recite the alphabet with one good friend. If you could pick a dream job it would be MMA fighter/shepherd/ballerina.






Ernie
You don’t have a care in the world. You do exactly what you want and don’t worry about the consequences because you believe things always work out somehow. You like practical jokes, spaghetti, umbrellas and cereal. You have a borderline bathing obsession and are frequently hospitalized for scrubbing much of your skin raw in overly alkaline bath water.










The Yip Yips
You have a natural curiosity about the world, but your research skills are sorely lacking. Language is not your first strength, but you make up for it in with an attention to detail. Your ability to remain focused or pull your bottom lip over your face when threatened has won you many friends.






Kermit the Frog
You feel superior to the people around you and are endlessly frustrated when they screw up, even though you expect it. You were made for greater things but no matter how hard you try, something (or someone) prevents your success. However, each time you think about giving up and retreating from society, you worry a group of bananas or rubber balls won’t get counted properly unless you do it yourself.








Oscar the Grouch
You are the proverbial “nice person” who desperately wants to tell people what you really feel. You curse out the drivers in front of you when you are alone in the car and keep lists of people who have wronged you. You are a packrat but tell yourself you’d be neat and organized if only you had storage space. Mostly you just want to sit at home and cry and wish people would stop coming to the door. Your dream is to someday be a hermit or shut-in.







Big Bird
You’re gay.












Cookie Monster
You have boundary issues with other people, are frequently aggressive and can be perceived as being a bully. However, you feel unfulfilled with everything you have and are only seeking to find the love you didn’t receive as a child. As long as your pursuit of satisfaction does not extend to alcohol or drugs, you are relatively harmless. On the plus side, you are an excellent singer.






Burt
You are a rock in a world gone mad. Your day is never done and it’s all you can do to keep order. What’s worse is you feel nobody cares if things are done right or not. However, this makes you feel valuable so you have unconsciously infantilized everyone around you to the point where that are completely dependent on you. That heart attack can’t come soon enough.

"Tear Down this Wall!" (and ship it to Sandpoint, Idaho)

Today is the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. It may have been the most significant event in the last quarter of the 20th Century. However, it is difficult to explain to kids how big a deal this was without actually seeing the wall itself.

It might surprise many readers to learn that, no matter where you live, you don't have to travel very far see a section of the wall. There are over 40 sections of the wall on display at locations in North America alone, and even more across the globe. You can hop in the car and see an intact segment of the wall at:

The European Union HQ in Brussels

The Imperial War Museum in London

The Cheonggyecheon stream in Seoul.

The Centre for World Commerce in Montreal.

The CTA Station in Chicago

The George H. W. Bush Presidential Library & Museum, College Station, Texas

The Winston Churchill Memorial Library at Westminster College in Fulton, Missouri

53rd street between 5th and Madison Avenue in New York.

If you would like a section on display in your community, or just a chunk for your desk, they are available for sale here.

Friday Demotivation: All Cleavage Edition

Over the past week, several Dogs & Jeans readers have commented on the lack of cleavage shots on this site. While I was unaware that this was reason people came by (I thought it was for the cutting political satire), one of the many marketing lessons I remember from business school was: "Give the people what they want."

So here you go people, an All-Cleavage version of the Friday Demotivational Posters.
Don't let it be said that trooper won't pander.

Decode Rap Music in the Privacy of Your Own Home

At long last, the Internet has become useful. Sure you can buy stuff on eBay, do your banking, read the newspaper, and I understand there are even nude images of women available if you look really hard. However, it has not been until the recent launch of Rapexegis that the true practical nature of the web as a tool for knowledge has emerged.

Have you listened to your kids' rap music and wondered what on earth Ghostface Killah meant by:

"them honies had fat asses.

Noses runnin' from the raw,

they hid behind they glasses"?

Have you found yourself humming Jay-Z's "Run This Town" when you realized you had no clue what:

"let me get back to this paper.

I’m a couple bands down and

I'm tryin' get back"

was about?

Now you can click over to Rapexegis to learn all about the cocaine addicted women with big bums who are the inspiration behind such lyrics. Read about the wads of unmarked drug money that is gambled away or laundered in underground gambling that form the central message to some of America's youth's favorite music.

You'll spend hours pouring over previously undecipherable lyrics from Lil Wayne, Jadakiss and The Notorious B.I.G. Impress your friends at the golf club or book group with your knowledge of colloquial expressions such as "hood bitch", "wig pulled back" and "pussy popping".

Now if only someone could explain what the hell Charlene was singing about when she sung:

"I've been to Paradise,

But I've never been to me"

GOP Election Wins All Part of Democrats' "Cunning Plan"

The loss of two Democratic Governors in yesterday's elections might be seen as a referendum on President Obama. But that's not how Democratic pundits are taking it. In fact, they have been able to find many positives out of the apparent rise in Republican fortunes:

• It was 'Opposite Day' in New Jersey and Virginia. Didn't everyone know that?

• Losing those two states was always part of the plan for re-election in 2012.

• So many Democrats are training for The Vancouver Winter Olympics, there was no time for campaigning.

• You've heard of 'Rope-a-Dope'? This was "Vote-a-GOP-Dope'.

• Since Halloween, both Democratic campaigns were still in the biggest sugar crash ever.

• We learned a ton from Palin's robo-calls. We'll also be annoying voters at supper time in 2012, just you watch.

• So many people were out stimulating the economy, they didn't have time to vote.

• What's teh big deal? Is New Jersey even a real state?

• We'll get back to focusing on politics after the World Series.

• This is just more post-Bush backlash. Don't ask me to explain how. It just was alright? This press conference is over. Seacrest Out!

Jellyfish Attack Signals End of Days

A recent sinking of a Japanese trawler following a jellyfish attack is only the first event foretold of the coming End of the World. Dogs & Jeans Crack Religious Scholars have analyzed the catastrophes prophesized in Revelations and determined that, following, the uprising by colonial marine life, an unstoppable sequence of tribulations will bear witness to Armageddon itself:

• During the Winter Olympics, a judging controversy will result in a Finnish athlete winning a gold medal in the Nordic Combined over a Norwegian athlete. Animosity will spill over into neighboring Sweden. Even Denmark will become engulfed in the carnage that will engulf Scandinavia.
• Hummingbirds will knock over wine glasses at outdoor cafes throughout South America and New England.
• Any dead actors from “All in the Family” and it’s spin offs “The Jeffersons”, “Maude”, “Gloria” or “Archie’s Place” will rise up and strike down all the surviving actors from “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” including it’s spin offs “Rhoda”, “Phyllis” and “Lou Grant”.
• Worms refuse to remain underground and take up residence in pool cabanas and gazeboes, making any outdoor shelters inhospitable
• A former governor of a Northern State will abandon politics to focus on an acting career.
• The sea will rise by six feet wiping out most coastal cities world wide. Jellyfish will turn their attention from ships and start attacking smart cars and scooters.
• Salamanders will become poisonous man-killers while newt remain harmless. People will still be unable to tell the difference between the amphibians.
• Sinbad will host a TV comedy special. No one will watch.
• Jesus and Mohammad will return to Earth to tell us that only the Baha’i church got it right and everyone else can burn.

Of course, they might have been wrong about Sarah Palin thing.

Things I Learned This Halloween

Did anyone else have more highschoolers than Toddlers show up at your house Trick-or-Treating this year? Here are some things I learned:

• If you can't say "Happy Halloween" without your voice breaking, you are too old for candy.


• Apparently, normal teenager clothes qualify as a costume if you call yourself "Gangsta".


• Pulling up the hood of your hoodie makes you a character from a slasher movie.


• You are too old to trick-or-treat if you drove yourself and your friends to my street.


• If you normally wear your ball cap backwards, turning the brim forward is a disguise.


• Carrying the rubber mask in you hand because it is "too hot" means you are no longer in costume. Put it back on if you want a Kit Kat.


• If your costume is a Hobo, and you don't have to apply makeup to look unshaven, you are too old to trick-or-treat.


• I am completely unprepared if the Girl Scouts show up because they are 15 years old for crying out loud! Where are the parents?